Wednesday, May 7, 2008

The Newest Net Napkin

The beginnings of a blog. No one's really sure what it's going to be, or how it will play a part in the vastness of the landscape of the World Wide Web. All I know is that it's been done before.

I came up with the idea of The Napkin a few months ago, sitting in one of the most splendidly borific classes imaginable. As the dreary didactician made her way lazily through lengthy lecture notes I thought of a new way. A new way to get people to notice. Something novel.

Everyone knows that advertisements are everywhere. For the regular joe moseying on down main street average ad intake approaches 1 200 pieces per day (if ads were calories, we'd be f-in' FAT!) So I took it upon myself to create a local approach. Personalized, friendly and interesting. My grey matter greedily grilled calories from my steak sandwich I'd enjoyed for lunch, searching for the answer to such a task. I scanned the room. The answer didn't come from the awkward fresco of a satyr playing a harp to some forest maidens that adorned the roof of the theater-turned-lecture-hall. It did though come from a lowly napkin that had found its way onto the floor beside me.

That was it! The napkin, the most holiest of holy toiletries. Some may call it The Napking (for some reason I keep adding a G onto it as I type, oh well.) Think about it. Strong enough to remove the glueiest of goos from hands yet gentle enough to capture a 150 km/hour fastball of phlegm originating from even the rosiest of schnozzes. In a pinch napkins can even be used behind bathroom doors when the toilet paper Gods have forsaken thee. No one can forget wet naps, the soggy sister of the classic napkin. They are the perfect cure for what ails ya. Especially if what ails ya is sticky fingers.

Anywho, through thorough research methods I've found the napkin to be the perfect unassuming medium to manage your message. If all goes to plan I'll use napkins in all sorts of locales to pique people's curiousity (if they can detach their retinas from their High-Definition-Liquid-Crystal-Displays-boasting-1080p-and-a-whole-bunch-of-useless-stats-that-no-one-really-knows-the-definition-of-but-it-sounds-good-so-they-buy-it-to-keep-up-with-their-neighbour-who-just-bought-the-newest-most-High-Def-info-injector-which-skips-the-whole-TV-watching-ordeal-and-proceeds-to-inject-advertisting-straight-into-the-neo-cortex,-embedding-the-ads-so-he-can-dream-about-them-later-on. PS: It's not far away by how things are looking.)

So keep your eyes peeled (what does that mean anyway) for the newest napkins hitting local retail stores in mid-May. They'll be selling for $19.99 per pack of 12. Just kidding.

But seriously folks, this blog isn't celebrating celebs or any of that nonsense. It's just random nonsense from someone looking for a creative outlet online and hoping to inspire some along the way. I'd also hope that readers can learn a lil' somethin' somethin', that's why I'll have hyperlinks to words which I deem learn-worthy. You might see music, news, images and other media on this bad boy, so keep up and look sharp. There's more to come.

The Napkin

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